Ive been so busy the past 3 days! I had a doctors appointment this morning for an ultrasound to measure a cyst that is growing rapidly and painfully. I had a surgery back in 2008 for the same thing. Daniel was home on leave from Afghanistan at the time. When he came back for good that following April, we moved to the city we are in now and I lost the state funded insurance I had. During the past year, I have been in a lot of pain. I was hoping things would hold off until after we were married and I was able to see a doctor. Well, last week was my appt. I had another appointment today to measure the size of the cyst and she was not able to find it. She said she thought it may have ruptured. Everything I have read about a rupture was not good and sounded very scary. I was not able to see my doctor after the ultasound so I guess we will see. All through the day though, I have been in pain in the exact area where it is and I DONT think that it ruptured at all. Ugh, I dont know what is happening to me. Im scared and just wish I could have a straight answer.
Daniel is stressing me out. I have thankfully been able to talk to him since the first phone call. I guess Im being needy and insecure. I just want him to reassure me that we are going to be ok through all of this. This is nothing like the last deployment. We were able to talk last time. We chatted online and talked to each other. This time I get one 20min phone call. Which I am thankful for but being a newlywed, how are we supposed to make it with 20min a day? I dont understand. Everyone seems to stress how important communication is.......blah blah blah. If its so important, why isn't it offered to him? Im so annoyed and irritated, I can feel my blood pressure rise with every thought.
Im painting my bedroom on Friday. Something I have wanted to do since we moved in over a year ago. My dear friend is going to help me. It starts with a " this wont be so hard" but ALWAYS turns into , " I didn't think it would be so hard". Its a gorgeous color, I just hope I am not in more pain than I am now, afterwards. I will take a few pictures when its complete. The paint anyway. I have more ideas I want to do but one thing at a time I suppose.
G'night!
An outlet of sorts. Random things, stories, and minor annoyances that make up an entire year.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Fun few days
I haven't posted in a few days. Just been super busy! I Finally talked to Daniel on the phone. I can't even begin to express the relief and happiness I felt hearing his voice. He is ok, not very happy with how things are going right now but, there are so many people that its hard to get any contact with home and he is on 12 hours shifts. Poor guy. I tried to help him feel better but, I dont know what he is going through so its hard for me to find the right thing to say. Sometimes, maybe its just better to listen but I don't want him to think that Im not trying. He sounded good and made me really miss him even more than I already do. I miss his jokes, his annoying habits, and odd little things he does. I miss everything and its hard to think of this house as an actual home with him not here in it.
I have handled the already random situations that always seem to pop us just after he has deployed. Issues with the van, paperwork for things, and illness. Dont get me wrong, Im no stranger to having to get things done and continuing on with daily life. Before Daniel and I, I already had 2 children and was a single mom and had been for about 2 years. 2 years isn't as long as some single mom's out there but my boys were 2 and 3. That, that was tough. Especially because I really had nobody at all there to help. But, I survived and I did it all on my own. I guess you just get in a pattern and comfort zone of having someone not only that you love around you and sharing in that joy but, someone that helps out and takes the full load off of you. Its completely manageable to go from that to single parent again but definitely adds is a sense of being ooverwhelmed and stressed out. Solely from the pressure of doing it all alone once again. Anway, its getting done and taken care of and feels nice to once again feel as though I am contributing to the household.
I have handled the already random situations that always seem to pop us just after he has deployed. Issues with the van, paperwork for things, and illness. Dont get me wrong, Im no stranger to having to get things done and continuing on with daily life. Before Daniel and I, I already had 2 children and was a single mom and had been for about 2 years. 2 years isn't as long as some single mom's out there but my boys were 2 and 3. That, that was tough. Especially because I really had nobody at all there to help. But, I survived and I did it all on my own. I guess you just get in a pattern and comfort zone of having someone not only that you love around you and sharing in that joy but, someone that helps out and takes the full load off of you. Its completely manageable to go from that to single parent again but definitely adds is a sense of being ooverwhelmed and stressed out. Solely from the pressure of doing it all alone once again. Anway, its getting done and taken care of and feels nice to once again feel as though I am contributing to the household.
Gracie girl had her very first sleep over with her adorable friend Kloe. She is 4 and Gracie is almost 3. They had a little ice cream party. They were allowed to add in anything they wanted and really enjoyed creating their own sundaes. At bedtime, you could hear them chatting to one another and once they woke up, they were off together downstairs, hand in hand, to play. They were treated to choco-chip pancakes with fresh cut strawberries, a slice of bacon and a yummy glass of cold milk. There was more playing and an art project later on and then a strawberry shortcake movie before lunch. Kloe had to go and Gracie said goodbye with hugs. It was a great 1st over night experience!
Today, after being spolied with another phone call from Daniel ( YAY YAY YAY!!!) Gracie and I were treated to a lovely BBQ with my closest friend (whose hubby is also overseas) and her parents at their home. They are such wonderful and sweet people. My friend had her 3 kids (which are all the exact same age and gender as mine. Like within days, same.) and they played, we ate and looked at old pictures, had icecream and sat outside in the gorgeous 79 degree warm sun. Her mother made a beautiful stain glass piece as a wedding gift for Daniel and I. It was such a wonderful time and I had a blast.
Home now and taking in the events of the weekend. It was full of things to do which is just what I need to keep me busy and help these days to start going by faster and faster. The boys are out of school tomorrow for Labor Day and we will get things ready for the upcoming school week and just kinda hang out. Its days like these that I feel so blessed and grateful to have what I do. Even though aspects aren't what I would necessarily like, Im grateful for what I do have and what Im given each day.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Make way, One PROUD mommy coming through!
This evening was Open House at the boys' school. In past years (4 now) I have attended every school function, play, open house, ect. Of course I want to be involved in all aspects of my childrens' lives for as long as they will let me. I take their education and schooling extremely seriously. I not only want to see them excel but to enjoy it.
Nathan: Since his 1st grade year (he is in 3rd now) he has struggled. Not acedemically but, socialy. He had, for 2 years, been bullied. He had rocks thrown at him, dirt dumped in his hair, been publicly humiliated, and just flat out hated school. It was followed with Teachers who could care less and one even repremanded him for telling on other kids. Needless to say, that teacher (as well as the principal) got an earful from me. I understand about constant tattling. I hear it on a daily basis; he hit me, he is breathing on me, he is thinking about living today. But, these kids were treating my child like crap and he tried to do what I instilled in him. If someone is hurting you, tell an adult. Anyway, we entered 3rd grade. He was still in the mindset of last year. The first few days, he was already getting notes home. Then, something happened. His teacher, even though this is her 1st year, brought the true Nathan out. She has, in a week's time, reformed my child. He is good everyday. He helps out the teacher and other kids. He is chosen to do tasks and is finally enjoying school. He was tested and discovered to be extremely smart and test WAY higher than the other children in his class. Therefore, he was acting out bc he was bored. She is amazing and I wish she would follow him through the rest of his school days. She planned extra things for him, harder work, and more leadership type responsibilities. All of his other teachers, art PE and music, have all said the same thing. They asked me what I did and I told him it was his fantastic teacher. Wow, we really lucked out. I am so proud of my baby boy. I couldn't help but stop in the hallway and hold him while I shed a few tears. He got embarrassed but I didn't care. I am beaming with pride and happiness. He is trying so hard and doing such a wonderful job.
Tanner: My sweet little Tanner. He had some issues as a younger boy. He required special attention. He was abused in a daycare for quite some time. I never knew and for that, I carry So much guilt around with me. I look back and see the little things that, at the time, couldn't piece together. Since then, we have been to therapy. He needed special care at daycares and when nobody could give him the things he needed, I quit my job and pulled him out all together. We spent priceless days together when his baby sister was only months old. I hold those days close to my heart. He started school and after meeting with some teachers, we chose one who had experience in some of his problem areas. Ever since, he seems to do better and better. His teacher had great things to say about him and he proudly showed me his desk, artwork, and writing journal. He has come so far. He has exceeded all of my expectations and has continuously surprised me with his abilities and achievements.
I have to say, there are so many times when I am overwhelmed and irritated with the little things they do. As boys, they love the dirt and messes which I, having OCD, get so angry over. I can't possibly imagine my life without these 2. They are my world and each one of them has a piece of my heart. I am so lucky and blessed to have such an amazing family.
Nathan: Since his 1st grade year (he is in 3rd now) he has struggled. Not acedemically but, socialy. He had, for 2 years, been bullied. He had rocks thrown at him, dirt dumped in his hair, been publicly humiliated, and just flat out hated school. It was followed with Teachers who could care less and one even repremanded him for telling on other kids. Needless to say, that teacher (as well as the principal) got an earful from me. I understand about constant tattling. I hear it on a daily basis; he hit me, he is breathing on me, he is thinking about living today. But, these kids were treating my child like crap and he tried to do what I instilled in him. If someone is hurting you, tell an adult. Anyway, we entered 3rd grade. He was still in the mindset of last year. The first few days, he was already getting notes home. Then, something happened. His teacher, even though this is her 1st year, brought the true Nathan out. She has, in a week's time, reformed my child. He is good everyday. He helps out the teacher and other kids. He is chosen to do tasks and is finally enjoying school. He was tested and discovered to be extremely smart and test WAY higher than the other children in his class. Therefore, he was acting out bc he was bored. She is amazing and I wish she would follow him through the rest of his school days. She planned extra things for him, harder work, and more leadership type responsibilities. All of his other teachers, art PE and music, have all said the same thing. They asked me what I did and I told him it was his fantastic teacher. Wow, we really lucked out. I am so proud of my baby boy. I couldn't help but stop in the hallway and hold him while I shed a few tears. He got embarrassed but I didn't care. I am beaming with pride and happiness. He is trying so hard and doing such a wonderful job.
Tanner: My sweet little Tanner. He had some issues as a younger boy. He required special attention. He was abused in a daycare for quite some time. I never knew and for that, I carry So much guilt around with me. I look back and see the little things that, at the time, couldn't piece together. Since then, we have been to therapy. He needed special care at daycares and when nobody could give him the things he needed, I quit my job and pulled him out all together. We spent priceless days together when his baby sister was only months old. I hold those days close to my heart. He started school and after meeting with some teachers, we chose one who had experience in some of his problem areas. Ever since, he seems to do better and better. His teacher had great things to say about him and he proudly showed me his desk, artwork, and writing journal. He has come so far. He has exceeded all of my expectations and has continuously surprised me with his abilities and achievements.
I have to say, there are so many times when I am overwhelmed and irritated with the little things they do. As boys, they love the dirt and messes which I, having OCD, get so angry over. I can't possibly imagine my life without these 2. They are my world and each one of them has a piece of my heart. I am so lucky and blessed to have such an amazing family.
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