Where is Dr.Dre's song, "Today was NOT a good day"?

Ugh. Just ugh. Thats all I can manage to get out. I suppose everyone has to have those days in order to stay humble but jeez. Thankfully, today is over. The kids are in bed and everything school related is completed and ready for tomorrow. It started out pretty good, I thought. Maybe I just woke up in a mood. I got the kids off to school and cleaned a little. I made lunch and lit a few fall candles to get the house smelling nice. I watched my neighbors youngest kids. They played and had fun and there were no incidents. Looking back now, I guess it was just my afternoon that went south. After the boys got home from school, we loaded up in the van (that I pray can hold out just a little longer to get fixed!) and drove on post. First stop the bank. For a 30 min wait in the drive-thru. Yes, 30 minutes! I was so irritated, the boys hadn't started their homework bc we left as soon as they got home so we could be back quickly. Then to the PX for haircuts. Taco Bell for dinner ( it was almost 6 at this point. No way am I going to get dinner served, homework done and kids in bed by 7:30 at this point) for another 20min wait until I got fed up and went inside to order. Home, eat, homework, dishes, lunches, spelling word review, pj's, flossing & brushing, face washing, stories, kisses, reassurance, snuggles, DONE!   

Poor Gracie too. I mean I know that Daniel can't get to a phone. Well he can, he just doesnt want to wait in line for 3 hours. But Gracie is desparately waiting to hear his voice. I keep telling her that daddy is going to call her but then he doesn't and it crushes her. I feel bad for telling her he is going to call but at the same time, Im trying to let her know that he hasn't forgotten about her. When I spoke with him last night online, he said he was going to get a phone card today and try to set up the phone he got for out there. I dont want to be mad at him because I dont necessarily know all the circumstances but I see her heart aching for him and its killing me.  Ugh, this is mych harder than last time. She is not a 7wk old newborn that doesn't know any better. She has feelings and opinions. She knows more than we think she does. She bonded so deeply to her father. I guess I am where she is but trying to hold it together for her sake. When she sees me cry, she cries. Putting her to bed tonight, I told her that her daddy loves her so much and she told me that she would never give up. " I will never give up mommy, I miss my daddy." What 2 year old says that? God, please ease her hurting. Give her some peace and comfort and solace by being able to see her father or just hear from him atleast. This is so difficult to try and constantly keep telling her things that aren't happening.

7 days, no phone calls.

So, I spent a while writing a pretty good blog the other night and when I went to publish it, "Oops, something has happened. We can't fing the requested page". Ugh. I needed a few days after that. I was pretty mad. Needless to say, this one will be copied before I push that little button down there.

 Its been over a week now(9 days to be exact) since Daniel left. He has made stops in different places and finally has arrived at his new dusty home away from home. This deployment has proven, already, to be much different from the last one. He is in the exact same place he went to in 08 but, instead of 200 people at this camp (which patrols a place the size of Texas) this time there is over 4000. Phone lines are a 3 hour wait and computer is 2 for 15min of usage. He was a night time battle captain last time and his hours were such that nobody was at the phone/internet tent when he got off of work. We were able to talk for hours most nights. I think that spoiled me. That is not even close to how things are unfolding this go around. I have yet to hear his voice in a full week now. Thankfully, I have gotten little messages here and there on facebook but nothing compares to hearing him say, " I Love You " rather than reading it. BUT, I will definitely take what I can get at this point. Im greatful from any kind of word from him.

Our daughter is having a tough time. She is an all out daddy's girl. He is such a fantastic father. So much so that she is go through a range of emotions. She can be happy one minute. Making pictures for daddy and telling anyone who will listen that her daddy loves her and will come home soon. To, out of nowhere, being mad & stomping off with her arms folded and pouty face in tow. Saying, " Im mad at daddy. Hmph. Daddy left me, Im mad at him". Sometimes, something will happen ( a fall or booboo) and she cries out for him. Inconsoleable for hours at a time. I reassure her as best I can. Constantly telling her that daddy loves her and will come home when he is done working. That he is helping people to have a better life and we should be so proud that he is doing something so powerfully generous. That she is so brave and sweet for sharing her daddy so he could help. I tell her how proud of her I am and how daddy can't wait to come home, scoop her up in his arms and give her the biggest hug and kiss she has ever gotten. It seems to help but, she is nearly 3. Sometimes its hard for her to comprehend.

   Im hanging in there. Trying to stay busy to keep my mind from wandering. Ive engulfed myself into hobbies and interests; however I cant seem to finish a single one. I have spent a lot of time hanging out with my neighbor and letting all (9 kids between the two of us!) of the kiddos play. Her husband is here for now but will also be deploying again soon. Ive realized just how important and comforting it really is to live out here. Closer to base and with other women who go through these kinds of lives. Last time was so different. In SO many ways. Im thankful to be living here and having all of these resources, activities, and programs available to myself and the kids. They will begin some of the CYSS programs to keep them busy too. So far, we have just spent a lot of time getting adjusted to the new school year and establishing the routine once again. After than is in place and they are comfortable, we will add a new feature to our day.

 While sitting here writing this, I get a text (because you ladies know just how important communication is) from facebook saying Daniel posted something on my wall. Thank goodness I am here on the computer. I instantly jumped to FB and was able to have our 1st back and forth conversation in over a week. I can't even begin to express the comfort I feel at this moment. Just to know he is ok. I am so thankful and happy. It was short lived but honestly, aren't they all? The "non-english speaking gentleman" told him his time was up. We have to take it in stride though. There are so many still in line waiting to give the gift I was just allowed to have. Waiting to talk with the ones left behind to keep thing together and comfort, love, and reassure them. I have an intense sense of pride in my husband. I always have. He has been in the Army the whole time I have known him and honestly, will probably go career. Its his dream and I will support him and stand by him through it all. Even when it S-U-C-K-S! lol 

I will be able to sleep tonight. Maybe even fall asleep before midnight. It truely is the little things in an Army Wife's life that make things worth while. It may seem insignificant to others but we undertand not taking things for granted.

Boys, what will I do with them?

Nathan (8) is my oldest. My first born, natural leader,  jokester, and genuinely sweet kid. He is antsy; for lack of better words. So eager to grow and be grown. To try out the basic staples of becoming a young man. 

This evening, he comes downstairs after a shower. Hair combed nicely, teeth flossed and brushed, and wearing cologne. I say to him, "Nathan, are you wearing cologne?"  Nathan...." Yes "   Me....."Why?"   Nathan....." Because mom, Im a man and men wear cologne"

   WHAT?!?!?!?!?

The littlest blonde one.

 Our daughter is ...... Crazy, Hysterical, Beautiful, Special, Smart, Caring, Prankster, Friend, Thoughtful, Giving, Princess, Drama (at times), Innocent, Snuggle Bug, Amazing in Ever way.

 There truely never is a dull moment with her here. She has the best sense of humor I have ever seen in a 2 year old. She is sarcastic and sweet. She isn't delibrately mean and only tries to bring a smile to your face. She has some of the most wonderful qualities that her father posesses. Qualities that I fell in love with.  Just being in her presense, she makes you feel loved. She has a magic about her that I pray never goes away. At her father & I's wedding almost 3 weeks ago, I had the absolute privelage of being able to dance with her to a song that, from the moment I heard it, made me cry.

 She wakes up "nearly" every morning with a smile on her face and excited about being alive. I only hope that one day I can be as genuinely happy as she is. I love both of my little boys emensely and would do anything in the world for them. Now and Always. But, there is just something so special about a mother & daughter relationship. There is a bond that can never be broken. Its hard to describe. I feel so lucky that I was given such a miracle.

First entry starts with a scare.

Sitting here trying to find a cute background for my blog. Browsing through hundreds of choices. I was thinking of what exactly to write about for the first entry. I must first admit, my neighbor got me thinking of this. She is incredible with keep up her blog entires. I have been signed up on this site for 2 years now and ta da...first entry. Now that Daniel is gone, maybe it will be somewhat therupeutic to journal. We'll see. SO, sitting here there was a knock at the door. A man standing un uniform and holding papers. I stood there for a second scared to death to open the door. Opened it up, shaking, he is looking for the previous tenants. He is with the National Guard. I let out the biggest sigh of reliefe.  I nicely and calmly told him that my husband is deployed and he has just given me the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. Realizing what I was thinking by him standing there, he apologized. I know he is only doing his job, I wasn't angry or anything. Just Very scared.  

Now my kiddos are home. Eating dinner. Im taking a moment for myself. Gracie and I had a fun morning at the park with our neighbor and 2 of her kids. Got some sun. Should say, got some burn. Hoping to hear from Daniel tomorrow. He was getting ready to fly from another country he was in for stand by into Afghanistan last night (his morning) and didn't know too many details. Hopefully he gets there and is able to get settled. I know its such a hard transition for him and he is sick. Poor guy.  Let's just see what the evening has in store for us tonight!